the biggest slap in my life
Sometimes things can just be so twisted that it happened when you least expected it.
I can never imagine this happened to me even though a friend of mine just jokingly asked …”what if you find out the guy that you like/ love/ your boy friend is a gay??”
I burst out laughing when I heard the question, and then I told my friend that I will be disappointed, and it will be equally hurt if I found out that he fell in love with another girl.
A few weeks later, I finally found out that a guy that I like very much is actually a gay. It was just like a big slap on my face. I don’t discriminate the sexual orientation, and I don’t judge a person by their sexual preference. Anyway, this situation is different where he is a guy that I like a lot after my boy friend. (yes, I do have a boy friend and I am still together with my boy friend;p)
I didn’t get attracted to any guy since I have my boy friend 4 years ago. But why on earth do I get attracted to this guy? The reasons are because he fulfills the requirements that I want for a boy friend (some how more than my boy friend)…he was one of the friends that give me supports when I was having dilemma with my boy friend…and some unexplained feelings to him.
I always force myself to forget him even before I get to know that he is a gay, simply because I want to be loyal to my boy friend. However, the feeling to the guy just keep coming on and off into my mind. Finally, in one of our conversation, I get to know that he is a gay. I was really shocked! I didn’t know how to put the full stop on this crush on him! I felt so miserable…I felt like crying, but there were no tears from my eyes. It did hurt me, and somehow I felt that I am a fool! The biggest joke in my life!
I never expect anything from this relation. I didn’t expect him to like me; I never expect that we will be a couple. But somehow, I really didn’t expect things to end this way. I always know I should stop to have any crush on him, and it will be better to just be friends. I still wish he is a normal guy, and told me that he already have a girl friend.
Now, I think of the question that my friend asked me before…”what if you find out that the guy that you like is a gay?” it seems more relevant for me to answer the question now I guess…my answers will be :-
It hurts…a big slap on my face…the biggest joke in my life…feel like I am a fool for being so insensitive…very confused…will I still love him?...can love & sex be a separate entities?...ZA DAO!
After weeks of struggling, I finally get a conclusion for my feeling. We are still friends after all. I still like him a lot and I just have appreciated him in a different way. I thought I would be stressed when I am meeting him, however, the feeling is still nice and comfy as before, and we still have many (perhaps even more) to talk about.
Yesterday, we were chatting again. He sent me the lyrics of a song, and I would like to end this blog with the lyrics.
A song by Josh Groban ~~ You’re still you
"You're Still You"
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes ever
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I can never imagine this happened to me even though a friend of mine just jokingly asked …”what if you find out the guy that you like/ love/ your boy friend is a gay??”
I burst out laughing when I heard the question, and then I told my friend that I will be disappointed, and it will be equally hurt if I found out that he fell in love with another girl.
A few weeks later, I finally found out that a guy that I like very much is actually a gay. It was just like a big slap on my face. I don’t discriminate the sexual orientation, and I don’t judge a person by their sexual preference. Anyway, this situation is different where he is a guy that I like a lot after my boy friend. (yes, I do have a boy friend and I am still together with my boy friend;p)
I didn’t get attracted to any guy since I have my boy friend 4 years ago. But why on earth do I get attracted to this guy? The reasons are because he fulfills the requirements that I want for a boy friend (some how more than my boy friend)…he was one of the friends that give me supports when I was having dilemma with my boy friend…and some unexplained feelings to him.
I always force myself to forget him even before I get to know that he is a gay, simply because I want to be loyal to my boy friend. However, the feeling to the guy just keep coming on and off into my mind. Finally, in one of our conversation, I get to know that he is a gay. I was really shocked! I didn’t know how to put the full stop on this crush on him! I felt so miserable…I felt like crying, but there were no tears from my eyes. It did hurt me, and somehow I felt that I am a fool! The biggest joke in my life!
I never expect anything from this relation. I didn’t expect him to like me; I never expect that we will be a couple. But somehow, I really didn’t expect things to end this way. I always know I should stop to have any crush on him, and it will be better to just be friends. I still wish he is a normal guy, and told me that he already have a girl friend.
Now, I think of the question that my friend asked me before…”what if you find out that the guy that you like is a gay?” it seems more relevant for me to answer the question now I guess…my answers will be :-
It hurts…a big slap on my face…the biggest joke in my life…feel like I am a fool for being so insensitive…very confused…will I still love him?...can love & sex be a separate entities?...ZA DAO!
After weeks of struggling, I finally get a conclusion for my feeling. We are still friends after all. I still like him a lot and I just have appreciated him in a different way. I thought I would be stressed when I am meeting him, however, the feeling is still nice and comfy as before, and we still have many (perhaps even more) to talk about.
Yesterday, we were chatting again. He sent me the lyrics of a song, and I would like to end this blog with the lyrics.
A song by Josh Groban ~~ You’re still you
"You're Still You"
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes ever
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
posted by Caffeine&tomatoes at
4:58 AM
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